I’ve been looking over past entries and realize I don’t mention too much about my girls. I also realize that I don’t really open up about my personal life in this space, either. This is rather silly considering that I have recently argued in other blogs for the need to integrate all facets of life and not compartmentalize. I’ll do a better job of bringing all of myself to my writing here.

My oldest daughter, Leah, turns six today. As a human being, she amazes me at times with her intelligence, humor, warmth, imagination, (oh, how I could go on…). I had a meeting early this morning and couldn’t be there when she woke up so I called when I finished, which was around 10:30am. I wished her a big happy birthday and then told her where the two of us were at that time six years ago. It’s so distinct in my mind: I was giving Leah her first bath. We were in a room with a warm lamp (kind of like the ones they use to keep the fries warm at McDonalds) and I was gently washing off the birthing stuff. I remember how I didn’t know whether to weep or laugh so I did a little of both. It was one of those unbelievable moments where life takes a bit of a curve. Being a new dad changed me and continues to take me to extraordinary places.

So tonight is the party complete with a sleepover for four other little girls. I’m not sure what my wife and I were thinking in going for the slumber party route, but it should be an interesting experience. Not as soul-affirming as that first bath, but hopefully something memorable. Wish us luck.

During a conversation with a friend of mine, she said, "The opposite of love is not hate, but indifference." That made me pause and reflect for a moment.

Loving or hating something, such as your work, means you care about it. You have feelings that are yours and can fuel your actions. If you love the work that you do, perhaps it’s because it fulfills you, gives you sense of purpose, or connects you to others. Whatever it is, you are passionate about it in a positive way. On the other hand, if you find you hate your work, it could be because you’re disappointed that it doesn’t honor your values or makes you feel like you’re less than you can really be. Again, whatever it is, you are passionate about it in a negative way.

The real problem is when you notice you are disinterested in your work. In other words, there’s no passion, enthusiasm, or hope. You’re just grazing through your day. A statement I hear frequently is, "I just don’t care about [my company, my work, my profession...] anymore." Sound familiar?

Take some time to really feel what it is that you are doing. Give in to the ambiguity that might arise as different emotions surface. Give yourself the freedom to feel both content and pissed off with your work. If you’re only able to feel pissed off, get out and find something else. It’s better than the soul-numbing alternative of disinterest.

I find myself caught in a bit of dilemma. As a career coach growing his practice (while at the same time looking for new work within a company in organizational development), I have tried to follow the ideas behind The Brand Called You. It’s about marketing all that is distinctive and noteworthy about ourselves. It’s a way of getting ourselves out there, attracting possible clients and employers to us using many of the same ideas that companies use to sell their products.

Here’s the problem: We are not PRODUCTS. We have allowed the commercial and the economic to infiltrate even how we view ourselves. We might think we control the identity of our brand, but that’s unrealistic. When viewed in this light, the true valuators of our brand lie outside of us. No matter how much the folks at Coke try to build and rebuild their brand, it’s the consumer who determines whether it has any worth. And by allowing others to view us as a brand, we give them the same power to determine our worth. In the end, we become more about projecting an image and less about living and working toward our true purpose. In The Answer to How is Yes, Peter Block writes:

We become products measured by market value. And soon our relationships, our dreams, and even deepest insights become a means to an end.

Okay, so what’s the alternative? This is where I admit that I am still working on new ideas. Here’s what I do know: it must include a commitment to pondering meaningful questions, engaging in self-awareness, and slowing down from the hectic pace the U.S. culture demands. These three actions are not easily or quickly rewarded, but I believe the results will be far more enduring.

I’m now back to the point where I can blog again. I traveled with my family to my parent’s home in West Virginia and then to Colorado to celebrate the end of 2004 with my wife’s family. Part of my wanted to take my laptop with me, but a more urgent voice asked me to leave it at home. I’m glad I did. I spent more time relaxing, reading provocative works, and most importantly, spending time with my wife and girls. I also started to sketch again – a creative outlet that I left dormant for too long. The challenge will be to continue these new habits as I return to familiar settings.

Off on a tangent…I’m a member of Toastmasters International. Each meeting there is an inspirational opener and for last night’s meeting a fellow coach read an excerpt from The Dance by Oriah Mountain Dreamer. The reading focused on the idea of "just being enough" and I was hit by some provocative questions and thoughts.

Our culture exalts the over-achiever, the individual who painstakingly achieves a high level of self-improvement, the person who rises from a log cabin to public greatness. Its our driving myth of accomplishment and its also a cult. Next time you’re at Barnes and Noble (or better yet, find an independently owned bookstore), take a look at all the books devoted to Self-Improvement. There are so many self-help gurus out there telling us we can be more: more confident, more loving, more outgoing, more wealthy, more thin…well, you get the picture. It’s all about more.

What if you and I are ENOUGH just as we are. Right now. We don’t need to be MORE. How does this change our reality? We have enough love, enough money, enough self-worth. We can stop chasing after the illusion that MORE offers. Our wholesale buying into the ideals of ambition and upward mobility have not led to greater happiness. Unfortunately, for most of us, just the opposite. But like the mouse in the wheel, we keep running forward only to be stuck in the same place we started.

As I further listened to the reading, I quickly wrote a question: is improvement the same as learning? The answer I came to is no. It is possible to accept that we are enough and continue to learn at the same time. Learn more about who we are, not who we should be or who others want us to be. It’s time to just grow to be enough.