Life
On Tough-Minded Optimism
This post will be short (since it’s near my bedtime and I need to get up early to run), but wanted to let everyone know that I’m still here and writing…
I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to the quality of tough-minded optimism and how difficult it can be to hold on to it. And then yesterday, my oldest daughter Leah gave me a reason to reflect on how simple it can be. The new school year started this week in areas of Northern Virginia and it was her first day of first grade. She was so excited on Sunday she couldn’t sleep…great when you kid actually can’t wait for school to start. All was going well on this first day until a teacher reprimanded her for getting out of line (though her Mom and I aren’t sure if the teacher was half-joking or not). However, the real point was that Leah found it insulting, but did the most mature thing. She said quietly to herself, "That’s okay, I’m not going to let it ruin my great day." And she didn’t.
It’s amazing for me to notice how quickly one little setback can automatically start the downward spiral of thinking that the day is now somehow completely ruined. I used to feel this way (particularly when I was six). Now, I’ve come to understand that life’s little annoyances can be quite humorous, rather than devilish jabs at my psyche. They can certainly provide comic fodder for the folks around the watercooler.
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Chris: What a mature thing for a six-year-old to not only think to herself, but to share with her parents! And what a great lesson for those of us recovering perfectionists to remember when we get into that downward spiral thinking mode. “I’m not going to let someone else’s comment/attitude/outlook/etc. ruin my great day.”
Thanks, Leah, for the reminder!
Jodee
The best way to deal with emotions is to pay them less attention. They come and they go and we can do nothing about them. If we dealt with them like the weather — sometimes the sun shines and sometimes it rains and neither is subject to our control — we would be a deal happier.
Our society makes far too much of emotions. If people simply did whatever is needed, regardless of how they fell about it at the time, more would get done, there would be fewer fights and emotions would be in their proper place: Feelings to enjoy if we can and endure if we cannot.
I love this post! Great job, Chris. Please pass along my congratulations to your daughter. You and your wife are obviously doing a great job with her. I know you are proud. I have a 6 year old daughter, as well. I am amazed by her innocence, bravery, humor and wit. Children are blessings.
Jodee and Troy, many thanks. Yes, both Caroline and I are very proud of Leah and appreciative of the hard work we do in preparing her for life. I think our educational system would benefit if we adults would just remember that children are capable of teaching us, too.
Adrian, welcome. I appreciate your different perspective, particularly where emotions come into life. I find myself with a different take on emotional intelligence (I come from a long line of highly emotional folks). I believe that my emotions are intertwined with some of my core strengths. And while I used to be quick to anger, I’ve come to understand my emotions for their usefulness and use them appropriately (not always as successful as I would life, however). I think the problem isn’t the emotion, but our discipline and awareness for how they can be used in constructive ways. Without anger, we wouldn’t know peace; without sorrow, we wouldn’t know joy. Lots of potential blogspace for emotional intelligence…let’s keep it going, eh?