Dumping The “When…Then” Excuse
11.30.2005 | Chris BaileyI’ve written before about my recovery from perfectionism. One of the related habits that I’ve been able to at least consciously notice, if not kick outright, is the urge to put something on hold until all the conditions are just right. I wouldn’t quite label the action as procrastination, but the behavior has an easy to recognize verbal structure: "when…then."
You may have heard some else say it; an employee, a boss, a spouse. Perhaps it was part of your own inner dialogue. It might have sounded something like…
"When my boss starts to listen to me, then I’ll be able to do my job."
"When I improve my presentation skills, then I’ll submit a speaking proposal."
"When I get that promotion, then I’ll be able to negotiate for more time to spend with my kids."
This kind of thinking not only plays into the obvious futility of our own desire for perfection and control, but masks an even more insidious problem which is a need to play the helpless victim. It’s an excuse to live a halfway life, one that banks on the illusions of safety and comfort. It’s the supposed promise of something better just around the corner.
Instead of believing that the answer to what we want is out there and in someone else hands, this is an invitation to seek answers from within. It’s an invitation to ask ourselves, "why not now?" It’s an invitation to live a whole life with no regrets.
6 Responses to “Dumping The “When…Then” Excuse”
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Chris,
Absolutely! It’s sooo much easier to leave the choice out there as someone else’s – or fate’s – responsibility than to realize the choice, the opportunity, and the possibility is in our hands. Scary, but exciting and true.
Hanna
Yikes, I was thinking about writing a comment when…and realized the when is now and it was not up to the stars or some form of divine inspiration. I appreciate your contributions and thoughts, you add sole to soul with doing it now. I once wrote a very bad zen poem: Now and then I realize there is no then in zen. Thanks for the post…it is on to the next task pronto.
Great post, Chris!
It’s amazing the lies we tell ourselves to get out of living full out. When I figured that out about the “when…then” game, I also realized that, for me, the only thing to do when I caught myself playing it was to scrap the “when” (the lie that there was something I needed to do *first*) and move directly into doing the “then” (what I obviously really wanted to be doing). Life is much juicier now.
Hanna, I believe the scary part lies in living with our own decisions and their consequences. And yet, once we take hold of our choices we take hold of our own freedom.
Hi David, welcome and thanks for the comment. I’m glad I could create a little action-fire underneath of you. Your little poem made me chuckle.
Stacy, you’re absolutely right. There is so much more juice in those activities in which we just jump into the “then” stuff.
When…Then
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