I’ve been a rather delinquent blogger lately and that’s been weighing heavily on me. Actually, kind of stressing me out. But I don’t think this is just a case of blog guilt…it seems to go deeper than that. It’s a feeling that I’ve been letting myself down, that I’ve been letting some of my own dreams and aspirations flitter away. There’s also a feeling that I’ve been ignoring some wonderful friends and not keeping up my end of our relationships. For the past few months, I haven’t been able to consciously figure out this block, but I sure have felt it in the pit of my stomach. Every time, that dark feeling has voiced this question: If the ideas behind Bailey WorkPlay (including this blog) and my relationships are so damn important, why am I unable to care for them anymore?
I haven’t been sleeping well lately and last night was no exception. I tossed and turned, not really able to fully relax. But somewhere in that strange state of twilight sleep I heard another voice which simply said: Be patient with yourself. Undoubtedly, my subconscious was able to break through the logjam and offer the help that my conscious mind could not. That was a few hours ago and I’ve been awake and contemplating the message ever since. All of which leads me to some insights that I hope find some resonance for you, too.
The harder we try to do something or the tighter we try to hold on to an idea, the more amorphous it can become. For me, I’ve been clinging to the notion that I should be able to do everything at the same level of intensity while forgetting that so much has actually changed in my life. New work, new home, a whole new zip code that’s 1500 miles from where I used to be. Change is good, but it can lead to unrealistic expectations of ourselves…an impatience when we don’t adapt immediately.
If you find yourself in full self-flagellation mode, give yourself permission to be patient. Be mindful of the ideas to which you’re rigidly clinging and get curious about what might happen if you released your grip even just a little. And consider a short mantra to help you through. Here’s mine for today:
Here I am. Being patient with me. Listening to my true inner voice. Knowing that I can restart again. Small acts are okay. Being patient with my humanness.
Be well and be patient.