…it’s how we deal with mistakes that count. The universe must want me to learn something important because within 30 hours, two distinct situations occurred to illustrate this point. In one instance, I was on the mistake-maker side and in the second instance I was on the receiving end of someone else’s mistake. And in both cases, I’m not at all sure that I handled the mistakes well. Here’s another installment of my not-so-newly created series called I Screw Up So You Don’t Have To.

Mistake #1: Chris as Mistake-Maker
I’m working with a client on several different projects, each one different in its complexity, scale, and timeframe. It’s a client that I like and enjoy working with. And I feel that we have a good working relationship. We first discussed these projects back in November and I worked on them up through December. Then I took a two week holiday retreat and promptly neglected this client’s work when I returned. It wasn’t intentional and the work wasn’t entirely forgotten – it just took a back seat to other work that felt more pressing these past few weeks.

You’re probably thinking it’s not too surprising that I received rather curt and angry voicemail and email messages on Friday asking for an immediate update. My apology was met with, “That does me no good. What are you going to do? I expect a full accounting by Tuesday.” Now, I have a client who undoubtedly feels pissed and betrayed…and truly for good reason.

Mistake #2: Chris as Mistake-Receiver
The next day, I took the family to one of our favorite local pizza joints for dinner. We ordered a small cheese pizza for the girls and a medium meateaters for Carrie and me. Around 15 minutes later, our server showed up with the meateaters, but no cheese. We all thought that maybe he’d be right back to bring the cheese pizza. A couple of minutes passed and it becomes clear that a cheese pizza is not coming. So I visited the register and asked about the cheese pizza. I got blank, confused looks in return. There was no cheese pizza. Now, I’m starting to get pissed and insisted that they need to get moving on making the pizza that I paid for. Then, one of the folks from behind the counter came and asked me again whether I paid for a pizza and asked me to confirm the size, crust, toppings, political affiliation, next-of-kin, etc. He said, “We’re just trying to track down this order.” Okay, now I’m definitely pissed. He’s here trying to track down an order rather than make the actual damn pizza. I make my second trip to the counter and discover that apparently the cheese pizza was not included in the original order (but it should have been because the gal taking the order asked me what type of crust we wanted). The kick in the pants was the fact they still charged me $2.64 even though I argued that I should not be charged at all.

Roughly 13 minutes later, the gal who took our original order brought the pizza and apologized. She said, “I didn’t do it on purpose.” The thing was that she was right. She didn’t intentionally screw up and I told her so.

So, what’s the learning here?

Learning #1: Be more forgiving of mistakes. Rarely does someone screw up on purpose…that would be blatant and willful sabotage. Yeah, sometimes screw ups are due to incompetence or lack of care on the part of another person. But more often than not, mistakes are made for more innocent reasons. I guess at the root of how we view mistakes is whether we believe people are good or bad. And what I need to remember is that perfection is bullshit and I’m immensely capable of screwing things up at a moment’s notice. It’s the whole glass house thing.

Learning #2: Accept the mistake and move forward. Coming back to my intro, mistakes happen and it’s what we do after the mistake that matters most. If we screw up yet blow it off, then we’ve compounded the mistake by not taking ownership and figuring out how to make things right. Imagine my reaction if the pizza folks had – rather than try to make it into my problem – quickly said they would bring us a free cheese pizza and some breadsticks for the girls while they waited. For my client, I now have the job of determining what her “breadsticks” are.

Learning #3: Be more emotionally-aware. Being on the mistake-maker side, I understand my client’s emotions. She’s angry and frustrated because I’ve put her in a bad spot with her executives and board members. However, there’s a part of me that’s a bit embarrassed by my behavior as a mistake-receiver. There are times when I allow my emotions to get the better of me and raise more hell than I should to get what I want. Even those of us who coach and advise others on how to best navigate professional relationships are challenged to heed our own words. See learning #1 above.

Learning #4: Keep the focus on learning. This post is my example of learning from mistakes. It’s my way of reflecting on what I can do better in the future. Mistakes aren’t bad…they’re essential if we choose to grow. If we’re not making mistakes, we’re not trying hard enough. So, let’s keep learning.

Yesterday, Leah – my oldest child – turned 9 which means that I’ve been a father that long, as well. I remember the day when I first learned I was going to be a dad. I remember the terror. I also remember the elation. Talk about your roller coaster experiences…it was like the first time I took on the Loch Ness Monster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. I didn’t know if I wanted to puke or ride it again.

As I reflect on these past nine years, I’m amazed at how much she’s grown (wasn’t I just changing her diapers not that long ago?) and how much I’ve grown. Parenting is true on-the-job experience where no amount of book learning will honestly prepare you for the unique adventure. Being a father has taught me to…

See the big picture. I recall how I stressed over each decision I made thinking that it might have some consequence for the future. What if I picked her up when she cried…would she be a clingy adult? What if I let her go down the slide…would she hit her head and be an amnesiac for her whole life? What if I didn’t capture each precious moment on film…would I regret not being able to watch her first turnover when I’m 50? What if…dad just relaxed and realized that there’s a bigger picture to be observed here. After a while, I did realize that while these small decisions do carry some weight, it’s far more important to keep the grand scheme of things firmly in the front of my mind.

Be patient. If kids don’t reinforce the value of patience, there’s not a whole lot of hope for you. I’ve learned to allow for extra time to get to places. And I’ve learned that wake-up and bedtime routines need to be adhered to as much as humanly possible. But I’ve learned to be patient in other ways. Sometimes I’ll help Leah with her homework and we’ll arrive at a problem that has her a bit stumped. My knee-jerk response, from my formative public school days, is to tell her how to solve the problem. But I’ll restrain myself and look at her…she’s already trying to formulate a solution. Most of the time it’s a solution she develops her own way.

Be curious. Imagination, wonder, creativity…all great qualities that are built into us as children. Along the way toward adulthood we tend to misplace these traits. In most cases, our public schools do a great job of helping us put these qualities in a black box so we can focus on more important things like metrics, tests, and instant recall. But watching Leah and her younger sister Katie explore their world only reinforces how vital a rich inner life is to their development.

Be fierce. This isn’t the same as being an overprotective dad. This is about being a fierce advocate for my kids. And this is about teaching my girls how to have a fierce confidence.

Trust myself. When I was a new father, I sought out all the books, advice, and resources I could get my hands on hoping that someone could offer me that magic bullet that would answer all my parenting questions. I gave doctors and experts exalted status where their word was gospel truth. Until I realized that these folks, while knowledgeable in their subject, we’re clueless about the specifics of Leah. They didn’t live with her. They didn’t feed and bathe and sing her to sleep. Her mother and I did. And we had far more knowledge and insight into our little girl than anyone else in the whole world. Turns out we were the experts about Leah and the secret to being a great parent to her was trusting ourselves and our intuitive grasp of how to be a mom and dad.

Pamela Slim is my new superheroine…and I can’t believe it took me this long to find her. For proof, check out these fantastic posts from 2006. First, an open letter to the C-level folks. Then, an open letter to employees. For anyone who is feeling low about their corporate existence, these two manifestos offer sage advice with just the right amount of kick-in-the-pants.

Once upon a time, I worked in the professional association world as a membership development professional. While I may no longer be working in nonprofits or this particular field, I do continue to promote the value of joining and participating in a shared community of professional practice. As Barbara Safani mentioned a couple of days ago at the Career Hub blog…if you’re looking to jumpstart your professional goals this year, consider finding a professional association.

There’s a professional association for you…no matter what you do.
Some professions have easily defined associations (think accountants (AICPA), lawyers doctors (AMA), and realtors (NAR)). But if you think your profession doesn’t have an associated professional community, think again. By some estimates, there are around 70,000 professional societies, trade associations, and chambers of commerce in the United States alone. To find an association devoted to your profession, visit the American Society for Association Executives and search their Gateway to Associations. I guarantee you’ll find something (and if you don’t, contact me and I’ll help you locate one).

Don’t be afraid to think creatively about joining an association. There are some exceptional niche associations that address specialty areas within professions. And if you’re considering making a career leap, think about taking a small step in that direction by joining an association for that particular career. Associations have member resources such as listserves, newsletters, and networks which are great ways to learn about the possibilities and challenges facing you as you think about that potential new career choice.

So, you joined an association…now what?
Once you find and join an association, immediately sit down and sketch out what you want to achieve through your membership. Your membership is an investment in your professional future…take responsibility for nurturing that investment. One of the most frequent mistakes made by new members is not fully thinking about how they want to get the most from their membership. While most associations have a new member orientation program, only you know where you want to go. If growing your network is important, volunteer for a conference or join a committee. If building your prestige is important, write an article or submit a conference presentation proposal. The return on your investment will ultimately be what you’re willing to put into your membership experience.

Play around…see what works for you…then do it.
Take advantage of everything you can. Read the association’s publications, research their website, and contact the association’s staff to learn all you can about the features of membership. You might just find that there’s a little publicized member feature that fits your needs or discover a new feature in the works that will benefit your career. Don’t make the mistake of joining and then forgetting your membership. This isn’t an investment that delivers a return if ignored…you have to actively manage it and take action to see results.

Finally, care for your association staff…and they’ll care for you.
This is my shameless plug for all the hard working folks who make association management their careers. Just like others in the nonprofit world, they usually don’t do it for money, they do it for love. They love their members and love what their members do and they love being able to have an impact on their members’ industry. When you find them doing great things, tell them. If you find ways to improve the association, tell them. Foster a caring relationship with the staff and they’ll be far more likely to think about you when seeking a writer, speaker, or volunteer.

I’d love to hear about your experiences with professional associations. Have they been beneficial to your career?

Also posted at Career Hub…read more articles at the #1 HR Blog according to HR World.

Related to yesterday’s post on my own commitments for the new year…Barbara Safani at Career Hub suggests eight terrific Career Management Resolutions for 2008…Arnie Herz at Legal Sanity highlights Keith Ferrazzi’s Goal Post app for Facebook, a new cool tool that gets your Facebook pals to help you stay on target to achieving your goals.

Anne Zelenka at Web Worker Daily conjures up a nice bit of integrative thinking by linking the process of securing international aid to the process of navigating our career journey. She writes of the differences between a top-down strategy (planning) which is fine if you know exactly where you’re going and a bottom-up strategy (searching) if you’re less sure of your direction. It’s a cool leap and one that resonates with the WorkPlay philosophy of playful career experimentation.

To use a search strategy to move forward in your career, take small steps towards what you think you might like to do (and what might reward you financially), stopping and checking often to see if you’re getting the results you want. When you search, you’ll spend relatively more time acting and checking results and relatively less time setting goals and trying to predict an uncertain future.

This bears resemblance to advice offered in Herminia Ibarra’s book, Working Identity: Unconventional Strategies for Reinventing Your Career, in which she advocates taking short leaps to test possible career avenues rather than planning one big leap.