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X-Men And Our Own Struggles With Alienation

by on June 5, 2011 in Life

There’s a rather fascinating op-ed today in the Los Angeles Times titled, ‘X-Men: First Class’ reminds us we are all mutants now. It argues that “the superhero movie series reflects an America that has increasingly come to accept individuals with unique identities, desires and talents.”

It’s a good article that raises some interesting ideas. However, where I’ll disagree with the LA Times writers (and perhaps Grant McCracken, though I haven’t fully reviewed his work titled Plentitude (pdf download)) is where they argue this “quickening speciation of social types” is a recent phenomenon. If you need any evidence, just think back to when you were in high school and how many different social types existed. The fact is we’ve always typed individuals. And we’ve always set out to form our own tribes as a way to confirm (or deny) self-identification as well as develop the security of numbers.

Now, it’s a lesser-known fact that I’m a huge comic book collector. I first started reading in 1984 and one of my favorite titles was X-Men. I don’t think I was completely aware of it at the time, but what I undoubtedly found within the stories were themes I could easily relate to: feeling outcast, alone, angry, and different from those around me. I surely felt a kinship between my teenage self and the various mutants within X-Men who sought acceptance from society.

But another way to look at why the X-Men remain popular since their beginnings in the 1960s is to see their relationship to our own cultural outlook. Not only do they fulfill a hero archetype, they connect us to an inner sense of alienation. Each of us is alienated from something in one way or another. It could family if we’ve chosen to do something outside of their wishes. It could be work if we are disconnected from the leadership structure. It could be online in social networks if our attempts at communication are ignored by others.

The moral story of X-Men – not just First Class but throughout the canon – is there are two paths we can take. One is with Magneto who believes alienation should be met with anger and vengeance. The other is with Professor Xavier who argues that alienation can be met with a hope for societal acceptance.

At the end of X-Men: First Class, characters are asked to make a choice: join Magneto or Xavier. It’s the same in our own daily existence. If we’re feeling alienated and apart from the group in which we seek acceptance, do we take the path of brooding anger…or do we take the path of hopeful determination?

The Problem Of Being A Mr. Know-It-All

by on June 3, 2011 in Life

Yesterday, I experienced two incidents where I came across individuals who, in my mind, were “Mr. Know-It-Alls” and it drove me batshit crazy. How dare they flout their superior attitudes and talk to me like I was a 5 year old doofus? And then it struck me…we tend to viscerally hate those qualities in others that we also find in ourselves. Could I also be a Mr. Know-It-All? Well…um…er. Damn.

So speaking as a currently recovering Mr. Know-It-All, I’m trying to better practice the child mind where I acknowledge I don’t really know much of anything. Besides…what’s being a Mr. Know-It-All getting me besides the impression I’m an insufferable ass? I’m not learning as much as I can, that’s for sure.

How about today, we all try to be a little more humble in what we think we know. We might actually learn something new.

Tales from Waikiki: Imprinting and the Power to Change

by on October 23, 2010 in Life

Earlier this month, my extended family and I spent a week vacationing in Hawaii. Out of that experience exploring the wonders of Oahu came some juicy ideas well worth sharing over the next few weeks. So, here we go…

We stayed at the Hilton Hawaiian Village at Waikiki based on a spot-on recommendation that it was a great hotel for families. Besides the beachfront access and several pools for my daughters to swim in daily, (not to mention all the shopping for my mother and sister), the Hilton had a waddle of tropical penguins. The birds were conveniently located right outside our particular hotel tower so we stopped to visit them pretty much every time we passed. These Hilton penguins are called African Penguins so they’re adapted for tropical environments. Over the week we learned a lot about them as a species (endangered) and some of their quirks (they sound like braying donkeys which is why they’re sometimes called Jackass Penguins).

We also learned about something called imprinting. Turns out penguins – as well as many other birds – learn how to be birds shortly after birth by observing the characteristics of the other birds around them. It’s a rapid process…and it’s fairly permanent, meaning what is learned through this process cannot easily be undone. So if a young hatchling observes not a bird but a human, they’re going to be imprinted with human characteristics. In other words, you’re going to have a rather confused bird who is going to try and act like a human. One penguin at the Hilton named Icarus had this sort of human imprinting, which is immediately noticeable because she (yes, she…these penguins are also notoriously difficult to sex) is fairly tame by penguin standards. Icarus will also never mate because she’s not attracted to other penguins; case in point: she mercilessly attacked the last male who tried to get it on with her because he was too penguiny.

Where am I going with all this? Let me ask a question: how many times do we behave like we’ve been imprinted by our past? Except we’re not holding on to the actions of others we’ve observed, but our own actions. We say – either openly or quietly to ourselves – that we’re a failure or stupid or not talented enough for what looks like a great job opportunity. Every time we do this, we’ve essentially confirmed our own imprinting by not letting go of that past behavior. The good news is that we’re not easily imprinted birds, but humans capable of flexible thought. We can retrain ourselves to think differently about who we are and what we’re capable of achieving in our lives. We can reimprint ourselves whenever we choose.

Notice what’s holding you back. The key is self-awareness. Get mindful of thoughts that contain images involving past failures and weaknesses. Listen for words like can’t and never. If it feels like a barrier, then it probably is. Say you’re holding on to an image of failing at starting a business or bombing an assignment. Now imagine taking the picture out of your head and tossing it into the fire. You’re not forgetting the lessons learned…instead, you’re torching their power to hold you in your present position. You’re claiming your right to be free of all the past crap that’s simply not serving you right now.

Re-envision what you want. Time to re-imprint our thinking and behavior with something different. You’re free to be as creative as you want now. Imagine vividly yourself as successful. What would it look like? And perhaps more importantly, what would it feel like? Imprinting isn’t a logical, rational process; it’s a visceral, emotional one. The stronger you can cement the images in your body, the better you’ll be able to hold on to these newly imprinted images.

Maintain awareness. Even though we can change how we think and feel, it’s still not a walk in the park. Change takes dedication and commitment. Remain vigilant when it comes to how old imprinted behavior reenters your thought process. Remember: you’re not a penguin…you can do this.

Are We Down For The Count? Never!

by on July 19, 2010 in Life

One of my all-time favorite movies is Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman and George Kennedy. Remember the classic scene where both men fight in the yards and Newman’s Luke refuses to stay down? It’s right up there with the egg eating bet in terms of iconic scenes.

We’re all going to get knocked down. It’s a fact. And as so many wise folks have said before, it’s not the getting knocked down that’s the problem…it’s refusing to get back up again and keep moving. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ll openly confess that the past six months have been a strange, at times frustrating journey. I’ve been on job interviews that seemed like great fits for both me and the employer only to learn that I failed because I wasn’t exactly what they were looking for. I’ve also had a few potential contracts for Bailey WorkPlay dry up and disappear for reasons largely unknown. (And if you’re thinking there are lessons to learn when it comes to closing deals, you might be right.) But my point is not to lament these missed opportunities or seek pity. Instead, it’s to highlight how – when we get knocked on our ass – to get back up again.

Out of these experiences, I’ve learned to dream even bigger, work even harder, be even more persistent than before. Like Luke, when I get knocked down I’m dusting myself off, wiping away the bloody nose, and getting back up. Currently, I’m working on creating opportunities to do things I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do. I’m chasing down a long-held dream I want to become real. And I can’t wait to share the outcomes when the time is right.

How about you? Are you struggling to get back up on your feet after taking one to the chin? Are you shoving aside a dream to do something you’ve always wanted to do? Know that you’re not alone and don’t stay down. See it as an opportunity to stand up strong and continue to move forward in your journey. Fully believe that you deserve good in your life, because – trust me – you do.

We’re All In-between Swims

by on June 8, 2010 in Life

This one’s subtitled: An essay on learning (and trying not to drown).

Once upon a time, I decided I wanted to experience the excitement and anxiety of learning something new – the art of whitewater kayaking. Ever since my first rafting trip as a teenager, I knew I wanted to paddle my own boat. The kayakers looked like they were enjoying the river in ways that we on the large raft were unable. I told my buddy next to me that someday I wanted to do that. Someday. So, a few years ago, I decided to stop letting life get in the way of something I yearned to do. I signed up with a local kayaking school and set out to pursue a goal that I had put aside for too long.

However, the first course did not go quite the way I envisioned. I naïvely thought kayaking would be much easier than it actually was and that I would pick up the instruction much faster that I actually did. In reality, I felt awkward in the unstable boat and unnerved by my inability to master something that on dry land looked so easy.

Yet I walked away from that experience with three powerful lessons that offered insights into my own sense of learning and living.

Lesson #1: Just because you’ve been on a river before does not mean you already know what you’re doing. I’ve been rafting before in whitewater and even done some flatwater kayaking and I thought those experiences would give me an edge in quickly learning how to paddle a kayak. One mistake I made was that I didn’t approach this new experience from a place of “not knowing,” but instead tried to filter it through past experiences that may have gotten in the way of actually learning. Recognize each experience, regardless of how familiar it may be to you, as an opportunity to learn something new.

Lesson #2: Don’t be afraid to do something new because you might look like you don’t know what you’re doing. Guess what? More than likely, you don’t know what you’re doing! This means you might notice some uncomfortable feelings like incompetence and helplessness. About half-way through the lesson, I committed a typical newbie mistake of panicking when I accidentally capsized my kayak. Trapped underwater in my kayak, I thrashed and flailed trying to get my boat upright. Two instructors came to try to rescue me before I remembered that I could rescue myself by ejecting from the boat. When I surfaced and caught my breath, I realized that my classmates had witnessed the whole episode with a mixture of fear and thankfulness that it wasn’t them. Yet regardless of how I must have looked, I learned very quickly how to remain calm while underwater and how to get myself out of a capsized kayak. Remember that embarrassment only lasts for a few minutes, while the lessons you gain through trying something new last much longer.

Lesson #3: We’re all in-between swims. After I managed to get back in my kayak, one of the instructors said, “Even the best paddlers get themselves into jams. Dude, we’re all in-between swims.” As I rejoined my fellow kayakers, the full force of that statement hit me. Individuals who choose to fully experience life inevitably encounter challenging situations that are bigger than themselves. Sometimes we can paddle through the situation and sometimes we have to eject. It’s about not letting our fears get in the way of fully learning and living. Be open to not getting it right all the time and understand that failing can often lead to the greatest learnings of all.

So, are you taking tentative action in order to always remain upright in your boat or are you pushing yourself and allowing for the possibility of tipping over? The first option is one of safety, the second is risky, but one of true growth. If you’re playing it safe now because you’re afraid of capsizing, ask what it’s costing you. Maybe it’s a life of significance, meaning, and fun. Start paddling in your life and see where it takes you.

photo credit: davichi (via Flickr)