One of my all-time favorite movies is Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman and George Kennedy. Remember the classic scene where both men fight in the yards and Newman’s Luke refuses to stay down? It’s right up there with the egg eating bet in terms of iconic scenes.

We’re all going to get knocked down. It’s a fact. And as so many wise folks have said before, it’s not the getting knocked down that’s the problem…it’s refusing to get back up again and keep moving. I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I’ll openly confess that the past six months have been a strange, at times frustrating journey. I’ve been on job interviews that seemed like great fits for both me and the employer only to learn that I failed because I wasn’t exactly what they were looking for. I’ve also had a few potential contracts for Bailey WorkPlay dry up and disappear for reasons largely unknown. (And if you’re thinking there are lessons to learn when it comes to closing deals, you might be right.) But my point is not to lament these missed opportunities or seek pity. Instead, it’s to highlight how – when we get knocked on our ass – to get back up again.

Out of these experiences, I’ve learned to dream even bigger, work even harder, be even more persistent than before. Like Luke, when I get knocked down I’m dusting myself off, wiping away the bloody nose, and getting back up. Currently, I’m working on creating opportunities to do things I wasn’t sure I would ever be able to do. I’m chasing down a long-held dream I want to become real. And I can’t wait to share the outcomes when the time is right.

How about you? Are you struggling to get back up on your feet after taking one to the chin? Are you shoving aside a dream to do something you’ve always wanted to do? Know that you’re not alone and don’t stay down. See it as an opportunity to stand up strong and continue to move forward in your journey. Fully believe that you deserve good in your life, because – trust me – you do.

This one’s subtitled: An essay on learning (and trying not to drown).

Once upon a time, I decided I wanted to experience the excitement and anxiety of learning something new – the art of whitewater kayaking. Ever since my first rafting trip as a teenager, I knew I wanted to paddle my own boat. The kayakers looked like they were enjoying the river in ways that we on the large raft were unable. I told my buddy next to me that someday I wanted to do that. Someday. So, a few years ago, I decided to stop letting life get in the way of something I yearned to do. I signed up with a local kayaking school and set out to pursue a goal that I had put aside for too long.

However, the first course did not go quite the way I envisioned. I naïvely thought kayaking would be much easier than it actually was and that I would pick up the instruction much faster that I actually did. In reality, I felt awkward in the unstable boat and unnerved by my inability to master something that on dry land looked so easy.

Yet I walked away from that experience with three powerful lessons that offered insights into my own sense of learning and living.

Lesson #1: Just because you’ve been on a river before does not mean you already know what you’re doing. I’ve been rafting before in whitewater and even done some flatwater kayaking and I thought those experiences would give me an edge in quickly learning how to paddle a kayak. One mistake I made was that I didn’t approach this new experience from a place of “not knowing,” but instead tried to filter it through past experiences that may have gotten in the way of actually learning. Recognize each experience, regardless of how familiar it may be to you, as an opportunity to learn something new.

Lesson #2: Don’t be afraid to do something new because you might look like you don’t know what you’re doing. Guess what? More than likely, you don’t know what you’re doing! This means you might notice some uncomfortable feelings like incompetence and helplessness. About half-way through the lesson, I committed a typical newbie mistake of panicking when I accidentally capsized my kayak. Trapped underwater in my kayak, I thrashed and flailed trying to get my boat upright. Two instructors came to try to rescue me before I remembered that I could rescue myself by ejecting from the boat. When I surfaced and caught my breath, I realized that my classmates had witnessed the whole episode with a mixture of fear and thankfulness that it wasn’t them. Yet regardless of how I must have looked, I learned very quickly how to remain calm while underwater and how to get myself out of a capsized kayak. Remember that embarrassment only lasts for a few minutes, while the lessons you gain through trying something new last much longer.

Lesson #3: We’re all in-between swims. After I managed to get back in my kayak, one of the instructors said, “Even the best paddlers get themselves into jams. Dude, we’re all in-between swims.” As I rejoined my fellow kayakers, the full force of that statement hit me. Individuals who choose to fully experience life inevitably encounter challenging situations that are bigger than themselves. Sometimes we can paddle through the situation and sometimes we have to eject. It’s about not letting our fears get in the way of fully learning and living. Be open to not getting it right all the time and understand that failing can often lead to the greatest learnings of all.

So, are you taking tentative action in order to always remain upright in your boat or are you pushing yourself and allowing for the possibility of tipping over? The first option is one of safety, the second is risky, but one of true growth. If you’re playing it safe now because you’re afraid of capsizing, ask what it’s costing you. Maybe it’s a life of significance, meaning, and fun. Start paddling in your life and see where it takes you.

photo credit: davichi (via Flickr)

A little over a month ago, I was inspired by Alex, my business partner at BaileyHill Media, to start running again. Way (way, way) back in the day, I used to be fairly in shape. In college, I could run a decent eight minute mile but through the intervening years I stopped running regularly. Oh, I tried to pick it up again every so often, but I’d find an excuse to stop and let myself get out of shape again.

As with all men who find themselves getting older, we begin to see our friends cope with health issues and weight problems. And then we wake up one day, look in the mirror and say (or curse), “Oh crap, when did I start to get fat? And why I am tired so often? And why is my doctor (plus wife and parents) nagging my about my cholesterol?” For the longest time, I heard all of this from my internal voice but chose to ignore it.

So one day in early September, I decided it was time to stop ignoring my health and do something about it. I decided to commit to the Couch-to-5K running program which is tailor-made for my slug-like self and also downloaded the C25K app for my iPod Touch (which turns out to be the best $3-4 dollars I’ve ever spent on myself). And as the cherry-on-top, I learned a few things about persistence and motivation.

Learning #1: Starting out sucks, but it gets easier the longer you stick with it.
The first week, I was sucking wind after only running for a couple of minutes. By the time I got home, I was a sweaty, pained mess. I’m convinced the only thing that got me through it was a deep commitment to keeping with the program and seeing it to the end. Far too many times in the past, I’d figure out a way to shirk off an exercise program and never finish. But not this time…I had a burning desire to complete the C25k program. And then, I noticed that week two was a little easier even though the intensity of the run schedule increased. The burning in my legs and lungs was more manageable. It was similar for weeks three and four. I felt stronger and I discovered I enjoyed the way I felt after a good run.

Learning #2: Start small and accept small victories.
The C25K Program eases us couch potatoes into a running routine by starting with incredibly short runs mixed in with longer walks. Each session gradually builds up so that after roughly nine weeks on the program a slug like myself can plan to run a 5K. From the start, I gave myself lots of internal applause and praise for just making it through a run interval without stopping. Then, I’d do the same when I finished a week. And now that I’m up to running eight minute intervals, I continue to do a little celebration. The key is to not be stingy with the internal encouragement. Give yourself props for the small victories and the bigger ones will come naturally.

Learning #3: The right equipment means everything.
It doesn’t matter what you do in life, don’t skimp on your equipment. I started running again using the same shoes I bought at a running store in 2004(!). Hard to imagine why my knees hurt like hell those first couple of week, huh? If I was going to get serious about running again, I needed to visit a good running store (like RunTex here in Austin) and get fitted for quality shoes. Since then, I’m happy to say I’ve had zero knee pain.

Learning #4: Find a partner (or partners).
Partners can make everything easier and more rewarding in life. Like the partner I love and have been married to for nearly 15 years, Caroline. Like the partner I’m building a business with, Alex. For my running routine, I usually run alone but I still have a partner. His name is Ray Lewis and he’s a linebacker for the Baltimore Ravens. He’s a complete figment of my imagination, but when I need someone to help me push myself up a hill or finish off a long run interval, Ray is there. Why Ray? Because he’s intense and I can only imagine that if he was running with me, he’s be pushing me to move my ass. It’s sort of a “What Would Ray Shout?” kind of thing.

Learning #5: Goals are important.
I know, this one almost goes without saying. But I can’t tell you how much motivation I get during each run knowing that I’m working toward being able to race an official 5K in early November. It adds just a little more psychic nudge when I’m feeling like not finishing a run hard. This goal is also exciting because I have a couple of partners, Julie and Chris, who are going to run with me for this 5K race. And I’m also roping my father into running a 5K when he comes to visit me next spring.

This weekend, I took Katie and Leah to one of the many local parks here in Austin. The brilliant thing about our city parks are the really neat playgrounds…and on weekends, there are always a gaggle of kids enjoying the freedom of playing. As I watched, it occurred to me (with a little help from Jason) that there is a lot we can learn about relationships – and in many cases relearn – from observing how kids interact with each other.

1. Lack of judgment
Watch kids play and first thing you notice is that there is a lack of personal judgment taking place. When a new boy or girl enters the scene, they don’t fret and wonder how this fellow player is going to add to their social circle. They don’t worry if hanging around with them is going to build or kill their cred as someone cool or hip. They don’t get hung up in a bunch of the social tangles that we create everyday. The only question they have is whether they want to have fun and play.

2. Sometimes you need a buddy
While kids can go off and play by themselves, they know that the teeter-totter doesn’t work very well with just one rider. And the merry-go-round works way better when someone else helps push. Listen for the laughter on a playground and you’ll likely see a group of kids enjoying the heck out of themselves – together

3. Free to begin, free to leave
There’s no planning, no exchange of business cards, no tearful goodbyes (well, only when you have to actually leave the playground). Kids live In the moment. They’re single-mindedly focused on swinging higher, sliding faster, climbing farther. When a friend leaves, another friend may enter.

4. Sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow
Notice that there’s never one person ordering others to go push them on the swings or spin them on the merry-go-round. There’s just a mutual sense of helping. And if someone’s hogging all the fun, they get left behind pretty quickly. That built-in sense of fairness means that there’s always a fluid agreement of leadership and followership.

5. It’s all about sharing the experience
For kids, it’s the fun of being together and enjoying the companionship and fellowship of others. There’s an acknowledgement that discovery is better when you can share it with someone else.

If all of this is true, what happened? Unfortunately, we went through that crazy mixed up time called adolescence. We were bombarded by all sorts of messages about what’s cool and hip and dorky and childish. Most of us figured out that some pretty good defensive armor was necessary to survive the hallways of middle and high school. Then, as adults we never stopped to check whether these things we learned during these tough times still work. If we did, we’d recognize that they don’t.

No worries. The cool thing is that as adults, we now have the maturity and insight to come back around to the lessons we intuitively knew on the playground. So, next time you find a playground inhabited by some fun-loving kids, sit down and just observe. And think about how you can bring some of these lessons that may be locked inside of you back out into your work and life.

Any other playground lessons to share?

I try not to stray too far away from the core topics behind the Alchemy of Soulful Work (though maybe I should be a little more lax with this), but I’m compelled to write today as a part of the Bloggers Unite for Human Rights event. For me, the reason is simple: without basic human rights and freedoms I would not be able to write about workplace issues. And the very notion of employee engagement and joyful work is only possible if our foundational liberties are taken care of. I know I sometimes take this for granted and am thankful for the opportunity to be a part of this movement today.

There are places in this world where sitting and writing ideas like I’m doing at this moment would likely land me in jail. China is one such place which continues to not hesitate to send journalists and dissidents to prison for speaking out against injustice and censorship. And the sad fact is that some of the companies we support turn a blind eye to this…or in the case of Yahoo! agree to cooperate with this gestapo behavior. One action you can take today is send an email to Yahoo! and let them know you think they need to change their actions on human rights abuses.

And lest you think I might let my own country off the hook, I’m also taking the United States to task for it’s hypocritical use of the Guantanamo Bay facility for illegal detentions. It’s very existence and what actually occurs there makes a mockery of every proud ideal this country was founded upon. I hope you’ll join me in the initiative to Tear it Down.

If you’re able to freely read this post, write about it, and talk about it to your neighbors and friends then know that there are individuals out there who have no voice and are invisible. We can stand for them and speak for them. This is our freedom.

Last night, I was paid a visit from my blogging gremlin who goes by the name of “You’ve-Been-Doing-This-For-How-Long-And-You’re-Still-Not-Semifamous” though I prefer call him Boris (as in Boris Badenov). He entered quietly through the back door and whispered very persuasively in my ear about all the things I’m not and all the things that the Alchemy of Soulful Work blog is not and all the things that Bailey WorkPlay is not. This dark little fiend can be extremely effective in sucking the joy and purpose from my work. As you can imagine he’s not a very welcome visitor but always manages to pop up and hang around longer than necessary.

Fortunately, I had some help from my friends on Twitter who helped me crank up the light and usher his black evil soul out the door (thank you tweeps!).

Once Boris and his joy-sucking presence was gone, I went in search of some help to at least address the still-lingering blogging doubts. When I need blog help, one of my favorite sources of inspiration and a good old kick in the pants is Darren Rowse and his Problogger blog. And once again, he came through for me with flying colors with a terrific and well-timed post called What You Say Is What You Are – The Problem of Blogger Inferiority Complex.

The three keys Darren listed are:

• Identify what you have.
• Build upon what you do have.
• Build upon what you’ve already built.

It’s that first bullet that really hit close to home for me. It’s built around the question: Are You Focusing More Upon What You’re Not than What You Are as a Blogger? Wow! I’m not sure I was prepared for the truth behind that question but the continuous learner in me recognizes that I’ve allowed myself to get pulled into a way of thinking that is focused more on deficiencies than strengths, failings rather than gifts. If this sounds familiar to you too, don’t worry…we have company (read the comments to both of Darren’s blogposts).

So, let’s figure this one out together. Let’s aim to get reacquainted with our greater self. Let’s commit to creating great work and a life where our passions burn bright. Let’s move forward in the knowledge that we’re never in this alone. Let’s start a dialogue and share what we need to be spectacular in who we are and what we do.

Once upon a time, the Washington Post had a feature in its Sunday edition called Life As Haiku (they may still have it, but I can’t find it easily online). Each week, the WaPo published vignettes from the everyday life of two individuals. They’d typically be no longer than a couple of paragraphs, but contain some extremely fascinating slices of modern life.

Two paragraphs…not too tough. But Jodee Bock just raised the challenge by asking for a life story in six words. She was influenced by a new book called Not Quite What I Was Planning: Six Word Memoirs by Writers Famous and Obscure. The title pretty much says it all. So, here’s my stab at a six word memoir. We’ll title it Chris Bailey.Simplified:

Wandering journey for calling. Enjoying scenery.

I like the exercise and may return to this idea as I think about it more. There’s some magic in thinking simply about who I am at my core. So, what ya think? Think you can distill a bit of who you are down to six words?

…it’s how we deal with mistakes that count. The universe must want me to learn something important because within 30 hours, two distinct situations occurred to illustrate this point. In one instance, I was on the mistake-maker side and in the second instance I was on the receiving end of someone else’s mistake. And in both cases, I’m not at all sure that I handled the mistakes well. Here’s another installment of my not-so-newly created series called I Screw Up So You Don’t Have To.

Mistake #1: Chris as Mistake-Maker
I’m working with a client on several different projects, each one different in its complexity, scale, and timeframe. It’s a client that I like and enjoy working with. And I feel that we have a good working relationship. We first discussed these projects back in November and I worked on them up through December. Then I took a two week holiday retreat and promptly neglected this client’s work when I returned. It wasn’t intentional and the work wasn’t entirely forgotten – it just took a back seat to other work that felt more pressing these past few weeks.

You’re probably thinking it’s not too surprising that I received rather curt and angry voicemail and email messages on Friday asking for an immediate update. My apology was met with, “That does me no good. What are you going to do? I expect a full accounting by Tuesday.” Now, I have a client who undoubtedly feels pissed and betrayed…and truly for good reason.

Mistake #2: Chris as Mistake-Receiver
The next day, I took the family to one of our favorite local pizza joints for dinner. We ordered a small cheese pizza for the girls and a medium meateaters for Carrie and me. Around 15 minutes later, our server showed up with the meateaters, but no cheese. We all thought that maybe he’d be right back to bring the cheese pizza. A couple of minutes passed and it becomes clear that a cheese pizza is not coming. So I visited the register and asked about the cheese pizza. I got blank, confused looks in return. There was no cheese pizza. Now, I’m starting to get pissed and insisted that they need to get moving on making the pizza that I paid for. Then, one of the folks from behind the counter came and asked me again whether I paid for a pizza and asked me to confirm the size, crust, toppings, political affiliation, next-of-kin, etc. He said, “We’re just trying to track down this order.” Okay, now I’m definitely pissed. He’s here trying to track down an order rather than make the actual damn pizza. I make my second trip to the counter and discover that apparently the cheese pizza was not included in the original order (but it should have been because the gal taking the order asked me what type of crust we wanted). The kick in the pants was the fact they still charged me $2.64 even though I argued that I should not be charged at all.

Roughly 13 minutes later, the gal who took our original order brought the pizza and apologized. She said, “I didn’t do it on purpose.” The thing was that she was right. She didn’t intentionally screw up and I told her so.

So, what’s the learning here?

Learning #1: Be more forgiving of mistakes. Rarely does someone screw up on purpose…that would be blatant and willful sabotage. Yeah, sometimes screw ups are due to incompetence or lack of care on the part of another person. But more often than not, mistakes are made for more innocent reasons. I guess at the root of how we view mistakes is whether we believe people are good or bad. And what I need to remember is that perfection is bullshit and I’m immensely capable of screwing things up at a moment’s notice. It’s the whole glass house thing.

Learning #2: Accept the mistake and move forward. Coming back to my intro, mistakes happen and it’s what we do after the mistake that matters most. If we screw up yet blow it off, then we’ve compounded the mistake by not taking ownership and figuring out how to make things right. Imagine my reaction if the pizza folks had – rather than try to make it into my problem – quickly said they would bring us a free cheese pizza and some breadsticks for the girls while they waited. For my client, I now have the job of determining what her “breadsticks” are.

Learning #3: Be more emotionally-aware. Being on the mistake-maker side, I understand my client’s emotions. She’s angry and frustrated because I’ve put her in a bad spot with her executives and board members. However, there’s a part of me that’s a bit embarrassed by my behavior as a mistake-receiver. There are times when I allow my emotions to get the better of me and raise more hell than I should to get what I want. Even those of us who coach and advise others on how to best navigate professional relationships are challenged to heed our own words. See learning #1 above.

Learning #4: Keep the focus on learning. This post is my example of learning from mistakes. It’s my way of reflecting on what I can do better in the future. Mistakes aren’t bad…they’re essential if we choose to grow. If we’re not making mistakes, we’re not trying hard enough. So, let’s keep learning.

Yesterday, Leah – my oldest child – turned 9 which means that I’ve been a father that long, as well. I remember the day when I first learned I was going to be a dad. I remember the terror. I also remember the elation. Talk about your roller coaster experiences…it was like the first time I took on the Loch Ness Monster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. I didn’t know if I wanted to puke or ride it again.

As I reflect on these past nine years, I’m amazed at how much she’s grown (wasn’t I just changing her diapers not that long ago?) and how much I’ve grown. Parenting is true on-the-job experience where no amount of book learning will honestly prepare you for the unique adventure. Being a father has taught me to…

See the big picture. I recall how I stressed over each decision I made thinking that it might have some consequence for the future. What if I picked her up when she cried…would she be a clingy adult? What if I let her go down the slide…would she hit her head and be an amnesiac for her whole life? What if I didn’t capture each precious moment on film…would I regret not being able to watch her first turnover when I’m 50? What if…dad just relaxed and realized that there’s a bigger picture to be observed here. After a while, I did realize that while these small decisions do carry some weight, it’s far more important to keep the grand scheme of things firmly in the front of my mind.

Be patient. If kids don’t reinforce the value of patience, there’s not a whole lot of hope for you. I’ve learned to allow for extra time to get to places. And I’ve learned that wake-up and bedtime routines need to be adhered to as much as humanly possible. But I’ve learned to be patient in other ways. Sometimes I’ll help Leah with her homework and we’ll arrive at a problem that has her a bit stumped. My knee-jerk response, from my formative public school days, is to tell her how to solve the problem. But I’ll restrain myself and look at her…she’s already trying to formulate a solution. Most of the time it’s a solution she develops her own way.

Be curious. Imagination, wonder, creativity…all great qualities that are built into us as children. Along the way toward adulthood we tend to misplace these traits. In most cases, our public schools do a great job of helping us put these qualities in a black box so we can focus on more important things like metrics, tests, and instant recall. But watching Leah and her younger sister Katie explore their world only reinforces how vital a rich inner life is to their development.

Be fierce. This isn’t the same as being an overprotective dad. This is about being a fierce advocate for my kids. And this is about teaching my girls how to have a fierce confidence.

Trust myself. When I was a new father, I sought out all the books, advice, and resources I could get my hands on hoping that someone could offer me that magic bullet that would answer all my parenting questions. I gave doctors and experts exalted status where their word was gospel truth. Until I realized that these folks, while knowledgeable in their subject, we’re clueless about the specifics of Leah. They didn’t live with her. They didn’t feed and bathe and sing her to sleep. Her mother and I did. And we had far more knowledge and insight into our little girl than anyone else in the whole world. Turns out we were the experts about Leah and the secret to being a great parent to her was trusting ourselves and our intuitive grasp of how to be a mom and dad.

We had it all planned out. We plotted our course from Austin to Akron, OH. We serviced the Sienna. We found overnight lodging in Tennessee that was Calvin and Lily friendly and found a sitter for our girls’ guinea pig. We found lots of books, DVDs, and road games to keep us occupied for the 20 hours of driving. We packed all our clothes for two weeks.

Ahhh…but what we didn’t plan for was a fast-moving, vicious little stomach virus that tore through our happy little foursome like vikings on a pillaging expedition. Well, at least three of us since Katie has yet to show signs of succumbing to the invasion. Perhaps the ancient Celtic within her blood will be enough to avert the onslaught.

For those of you who have been long-time readers, you might recall that this has happened before. Around this time two years ago, I wrote that It’s Good To Get Sick Sometimes. So, here’s what our growing list of Christmas traditions look like:

Setting up the Christmas tree while drinking hot chocolate and eating freshly made cookies…check
Reading daily from the Advent book…check
Reading the story of Jesus’s birth from the Gospel of Luke on Christmas eve…check
Spending time at the porcelain throne with Mr. Tummybug…check

Maybe this is our penance for never managing to send Christmas cards to friends and loved ones. If that’s the case, I’ll immediately write each person an individualized note and even hand-deliver it. I’ll even happily accept being haunted by ghosts of Christmases past, present, and future. So, dear Santa, why don’t we just nix this whole Christmas time stomach mischief, okay?

Now, rather than a road trip to visit family and friends on the East Coast, the Texas regiment of the Bailey-Starr clan will be hanging out at home. It’s called being flexible with your plans because we’re not always in control of these things. There are just some times you have to accept what’s given and find the goodness in it. We’re still going to have a bang-up Christmas here and probably take a little roadtrip down to Galveston for a couple of days to see the sights. We’ll have a blast! And here’s hoping that these last few days of 2007 are a blast for you, as well.