The Importance Of The Father And Daughter Relationship

by on November 4, 2012 in Life

Bailey Family + Sophia - Summer 2012Yesterday, our whole family attended the We Are Girls Conference hosted by GENaustin. If you’re a parent living in Central Texas and don’t know much about either the conference or GENaustin, I highly recommend you check out their website for more information.

We have two girls who are 13 and 10 and the kinds of issues they’re currently dealing with are intimidating: healthy body images, healthy friendships, improved self-confidence, being safe online, and the list goes on. It’s tough being a kid right now, but it’s particularly daunting to be a girl. As a parent, there are days when we feel completely overwhelmed by our responsibilities to be their guides and inspiration; to know when to give gentle comfort and to administer tough love. It’s made even more formidable when we – as parents – are struggling with our own feelings of self-worth, hopefulness, security…how are we supposed to give to our children what we sometimes can’t adequately give to ourselves? Okay, so I guess being a parent is pretty tough these days, as well.

I vividly remember the day when we first talked about attending the We Are Girls Conference. When Carrie, my wife, mentioned the conference, I thought (maybe even said), “Well, that sounds like a good thing for you to do with the girls.” I heard that whole “girls” thing and instantly figured that as a “boy” I didn’t have a part to play, that I could get a free pass out of spending a day learning about issues affecting the lives and well-being of my daughters, that moms are uniquely qualified to deal with all this tough stuff. Yep, nice try Dad…you dumbass.

Here’s the problem with that whole way of thinking: We fathers are a critical factor in the health and happiness in the lives of our daughters. To disregard this role is to ignore our own gifts and do our girls a disservice. In this blogpost by Elizabeth Weiss McGolerick at SheKnows Parenting called How Fathers Influence Daughters, she writes:

A dad’s involvement in his daughter’s life is a crucial ingredient in the development of a young woman’s self-esteem. [Professor Michael] Austin identifies positive elements of ‘common sense’ parenting for dads so they can help support their daughter’s self-image and curb any possibility of low self-esteem: Verbal encouragement, being consistently present in her life, being alert and sensitive to her feelings, taking time to listen to her thoughts and taking an active interest in her hobbies. ‘It’s important to actually do these things, which can sometimes be quite challenging,’ Austin adds. Direct involvement and encouragement by her father will help diminish a girl’s insecurity and increase her confidence in her own abilities.

Yes, we fathers are pretty damned important and we need to step up in the lives of our girls.

If I have one challenge to make to GENaustin and the We Are Girls Conference, it’s that there must be more for fathers. There were no sessions that addressed the crucial role of the father in a girl’s life. Each of the breakouts that involved parents were primarily devoted to the mother/daughter dynamic. For the handful of us fathers who did show up, we found our way through sessions on how girls interact online and in social media, how today’s media culture is impacting their self-images, how to help them find their own sense of empowerment. Don’t get me wrong, I got a lot of insight through these sessions. It was equally important for my daughters to see me there and trying to better understand the issues they face every day. But, we dads need to be a visible presence at conferences like these and in order to attract more of us, there must be programming that speaks to our own questions and aspirations.

So, here’s what I’m doing: I’m making an open, public commitment to advocate for more father and daughter sessions at next year’s conference. I believe I’m not alone in looking for help, for resources, for networks in order to be a better father. Because here’s what I know: the father/daughter dynamic is special. We dads can offer their girls things that will contribute to their success in life.

Other Father/Daughter Resources:
5 Ways Fathers Influence Their Daughters
Daughters Need Fathers, Too
Supportive Fathers Help Reduce Stress in Daughters

PS. The above photo includes my daughters – Leah (far left) and Katie (far right) – along with my wife, Carrie. The little gal in the middle is my niece, Sophia. This raises the positive role that uncles can play in the lives of their nieces, too. So even if you don’t have daughters of your own, but you do have nieces, you can still be a strong male role model in a young girl’s life.

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An Ode To Fellow Late Bloomers

by on May 13, 2012 in Career, Life

One of my favorite children’s books that I fondly remember reading to my two daughters is called Leo the Late Bloomer. It’s the story of a young tiger cub who learns to do things on his own timetable. When all his other young animal friends are reading, talking, and writing, Leo feels sad and frustrated because he can’t do any of those things well. His dad is concerned and asks Leo’s mom, “Are you sure Leo’s a bloomer?” She lovingly replies, “Patience. Leo is just a late bloomer.”

While written for children (and their worried parents) who struggle to bloom while their peers seem to pass them by, the book’s message speaks to all of us who are still uncertain of our purpose in life.

Now I’m getting pretty close to 40 and the ticking I hear isn’t the oft-discussed biological clock. It’s more like the drumbeat of societal (possibly personal) expectations compelling me to finally figure out my place in this world. When given voice, it’s a critical one questioning why I’m not further along on a career path, not more renowned in a chosen field, not closer to the top of my game. It should’ve all happened by now…right? Is this a sign that marketing/branding/customer experience just isn’t the right place for me? I confess I often feel like Leo: when all his peers are able to write eloquently and eat without making a mess, he’s undoubtedly wondering if his time will ever come.

And yet…

A completely different way of looking at it might be that those of us who are on this journey are the lucky ones. Our longer-than-intended quest for professional meaning and self-discovery can help us to be even brighter and shinier than if we had it laid out for us in black and white.

I do take comfort knowing I’m not the only one who took time to figure out the meaning of their lives in their work. Several creative geniuses showed us that success comes at any age.

Julia Child didn’t achieve culinary acclaim until her late forties.
Alfred Hitchcock directed his finest achievements between the ages of 54 and 61.
Paul Cézanne’s greatest works were painted in his sixties.

And here are a few more curated posts:
Late Bloomers: 7 Authors Who Prove It’s Never Too Late To Start A Writing Career
The Late Bloomer from Forbes Magazine
Late Bloomers from Malcom Gladwell

As Leo’s mom would lovingly advise, perhaps all we need to do is remind ourselves to be patient. Our blooming is just coming a bit later.

PS. Thanks for reading. This post – more than others I’ve written lately – did not come easy at all. I wrestled with vulnerability and tried my damnedest to keep the whininess to a minimum. My hope is that something here resonated with you. If that did happen, then I am honored in knowing it was worth all the effort to write.

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Dreams Of Being An Architect

by on May 7, 2012 in Creative, Work

Remember the character George Costanza from Seinfeld? You may not know it but me and him, we have much in common. We both (still) have a little thing for Marisa Tomei. We both have a better than average shot at making idiots of ourselves in public. And we both wish we were architects.

When I was a kid, I loved building things. I remember my grandmother had a couple of small streams around her house. You’d often find me building dams on those streams with pebbles and mud. When the dams fell apart, I’d just rebuild and try to make them stronger. I had a closet full of Erector Sets, Legos, and other construction toys. I fondly recall that I particularly loved my KENSTRUCT Girder and Panel Construction Set made by Kenner Toys.

Perhaps you’re asking why the hell didn’t I become an architect. The short answer is: I honestly don’t know. While I didn’t really excel at math, I was a pretty good geometry student. And when I did drafting as part of wood shop in junior high, I truly enjoyed it. Maybe I didn’t get the right nudges as a kid. Or maybe I did and ignored them.

But that’s not really what this post is about. I don’t want to pine for a past that’s long gone. And I don’t want to miss out on the future that’s to come because I’m wallowing in regrets. Instead, I want to honor the creative spirit that still resides in me. Because I still love to build things.

I taught myself HTML back in 1998 (and later CSS) so I could build a website for my organization. I taught myself the basics of relational database design so I could build a better way to manage customer information. I took a significant risk with a job so I could build a customer service team.

Why should being an entrepreneur be any different? I now find myself building all kinds of new things. I’m building a business called inspectiv and creating something I truly believe companies need: help improving their customer experience. I’m also working on an exciting side project as a product manager so I can help build something a group of customers desperately want and need. I’m writing a book on how to rediscover purpose in our work. And I’m helping my wife build her business – Austin Carrie Works – by delivering marketing and branding insight to her clients.

As an entrepreneur, I get the chance to be an architect every day. My raw materials may be different. And my finished product may be different, too. But everything I do is intended to bring an idea from my imagination into reality.

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On Lemons And Uncertainty

by on May 5, 2012 in Business, Life

I just did something that pisses me off about myself. I managed to suck all the joy out of what should otherwise be a fun business venture for my daughters.

Tomorrow is Lemonade Day. If you don’t know much about it, it’s a great way for kids to learn about business and entrpreneurship (learn more). In preparation, my gals are going through the workbook doing the math and exercises needed to figure out how much material they’ll need in order to make their goal. How do I choose to contribute to this process? By making it far more difficult, overwhelming, and anxiety-ladden than it should be. Yes, that’s me: Mr. Unfun Business.

Problem is, this is one of the biggest gremlins I face in my own work. When uncertainty arises, I don’t just get serious…I become something like a black hole of grimness, sucking the life out of any task. I find flaws in plans. I identify all the risks. I – though quite unintentionally – take activities that could be thrilling and turn them into miserable drudgery. In other words, I work my ass off to create certainty. And I fully understand that this is all horseshit since business and entrepreneurship is all about navigating the waves of uncertainty.

Sorry all, I just had to get this off my chest. There is quite a lot more coming on this topic of uncertainty. It’s one of the fundamental personal challenges I face as a startup business owner. I know I cannot expect to succeed without coming to grips with this inability to deal with all the uncertainty that comes with entrepreneurship.

Yes, starting and running a business isn’t all fun and games. But it sure as hell better be interesting, exhilarating, and worth doing. If I’m going to teach my daughters they can be successful businesswomen and that business is about courageously bringing our creative vision into reality, then that must start with my example. Now let’s make some lemonade.

 

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Why Great Writing May Not Be Enough To Win Blog Readers

by on March 16, 2012 in Communication

The genesis of the tweet below (and this blogpost) was a realization late last night that I am my own enemy to growing my blog. Bailey WorkPlay has existed since 2004 in various incarnations. To date it contains nearly 500 posts, some of which have been featured on AllTop, The Social Customer, and The Customer Collective. Over the past few months, I was getting more and more angry about my relatively low readership and lack of general awareness.

I kept brooding that after eight years it still shouldn’t be this hard to build and keep an audience. This thinking was exacerbated lately by having a handful of people tell me – based on reading this blog – that writing is one of my key strengths. Well, if it’s one of my strengths, then why the hell don’t I have more readers?

But all of that angst ignored the fact that the problem is not “out there.” The problem – and responsibility for solving it – lies solely with me.

Here’s the question that is now driving my actions: Am I prepared and committed to doing the work of building an audience and growing my awareness as someone with expertise in marketing, branding, and customer experience?

If the answer is “Yes” then that means I need to commit to a few things if I want to win more blog readers:

  1. Post more frequently. Probably at least once per week, preferably 2x if at all possible. I can’t blame others for not being consistent readers if I’m not posting great content consistently.
  2. Improve my titles and other copywriting techniques. I’m wagering the single biggest reason why I don’t get many clicks is because I give throwaway titles to my writings. I’m opening myself to learning from smart practitioners such as Mack Collier and the folks over at Copyblogger.
  3. Bring even more “me” into each post. Tell more stories. Open the kimono just a bit more. I’d like to thank this post from Entrepreneur and this one from Amber Mac at Fast Company for the inspiration here.

But enough about me…what about you? Are you satisfied with your reach and influence as a blogger? Take it further. Is there another area in your life where things are just not where you want them to be? If so, stop looking for answers or blaming others out there. Look inside, instead.

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