Tag Archives: learning

On Nine Years Of Fatherhood

by on January 15, 2008 in Life

Yesterday, Leah – my oldest child – turned 9 which means that I’ve been a father that long, as well. I remember the day when I first learned I was going to be a dad. I remember the terror. I also remember the elation. Talk about your roller coaster experiences…it was like the first time I took on the Loch Ness Monster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. I didn’t know if I wanted to puke or ride it again.

As I reflect on these past nine years, I’m amazed at how much she’s grown (wasn’t I just changing her diapers not that long ago?) and how much I’ve grown. Parenting is true on-the-job experience where no amount of book learning will honestly prepare you for the unique adventure. Being a father has taught me to…

See the big picture. I recall how I stressed over each decision I made thinking that it might have some consequence for the future. What if I picked her up when she cried…would she be a clingy adult? What if I let her go down the slide…would she hit her head and be an amnesiac for her whole life? What if I didn’t capture each precious moment on film…would I regret not being able to watch her first turnover when I’m 50? What if…dad just relaxed and realized that there’s a bigger picture to be observed here. After a while, I did realize that while these small decisions do carry some weight, it’s far more important to keep the grand scheme of things firmly in the front of my mind.

Be patient. If kids don’t reinforce the value of patience, there’s not a whole lot of hope for you. I’ve learned to allow for extra time to get to places. And I’ve learned that wake-up and bedtime routines need to be adhered to as much as humanly possible. But I’ve learned to be patient in other ways. Sometimes I’ll help Leah with her homework and we’ll arrive at a problem that has her a bit stumped. My knee-jerk response, from my formative public school days, is to tell her how to solve the problem. But I’ll restrain myself and look at her…she’s already trying to formulate a solution. Most of the time it’s a solution she develops her own way.

Be curious. Imagination, wonder, creativity…all great qualities that are built into us as children. Along the way toward adulthood we tend to misplace these traits. In most cases, our public schools do a great job of helping us put these qualities in a black box so we can focus on more important things like metrics, tests, and instant recall. But watching Leah and her younger sister Katie explore their world only reinforces how vital a rich inner life is to their development.

Be fierce. This isn’t the same as being an overprotective dad. This is about being a fierce advocate for my kids. And this is about teaching my girls how to have a fierce confidence.

Trust myself. When I was a new father, I sought out all the books, advice, and resources I could get my hands on hoping that someone could offer me that magic bullet that would answer all my parenting questions. I gave doctors and experts exalted status where their word was gospel truth. Until I realized that these folks, while knowledgeable in their subject, we’re clueless about the specifics of Leah. They didn’t live with her. They didn’t feed and bathe and sing her to sleep. Her mother and I did. And we had far more knowledge and insight into our little girl than anyone else in the whole world. Turns out we were the experts about Leah and the secret to being a great parent to her was trusting ourselves and our intuitive grasp of how to be a mom and dad.

My Think Different Challenge…Or Confessions Of A Perfectionist

by on December 18, 2007 in Creative

I’ve been tagged for the Think Differently Challenge meme by Jamie Notter and it’s one that I’ve been giving some of my best mental energy. It’s a good challenge. Like Jamie, I fully believe that “if you do what you always did, you’ll get what you always got.” So if you’re intent on learning and evolving, you have to be prepared to see things in new ways.

First, I have to be honest…it took me a while to uncover a topic worthy enough for this particular challenge. A no-brainer might have been patience (such as having patience with my fellow motorists no matter how crazy their driving or having patience with people doing idiotic things like taking up two parking spaces…hmmm…it appears I have some vehicular issues to resolve, huh?). But my issues around patience lack flair and imagination. No…if I’m going for a challenge, let’s make it something interesting, something provocative, something that’s going to push me in a new direction.

So what is my Think Different Challenge to myself? I’m challenging myself to be less of a perfectionist. Would you like to know how much of a perfectionist I am? I started this particular post three weeks ago and haven’t been able to publish it because I wanted it to be absolutely perfect. Quite honestly, this is one of my major hang-ups when it comes to blogging and creating content for the Alchemy of Soulful Work. I have around two dozen posts in various states of completeness, but they’re still stuck in the draft folder awaiting their own state of perfection.

And it’s not just blogging…other areas of my life tend to suffer from an ingrained desire for achieving perfection. Even as a self-proclaimed recovering perfectionist, I continue to set an incredibly high bar for myself in my work, as well as a father and husband. Regardless of how far I’ve come, I still have plenty of work to do…so here’s my plan:

Questions, questions, questions…for me, thinking differently starts with asking questions. Here are a few that I can stash in my back pocket:

  • Is the extra attention and detail I’m putting into this ultimately worth it?
  • What am I giving up in order to keep doing this?
  • Am I willing to forgive myself if I screw up?
  • Am I willing to let go of the need to always be the “star student”?
  • What am I trying to avoid by pursuing perfection?

So here’s my post which is not – nor will it ever be – perfect. For perfectionists, this is rather like stripping down to our underwear and running down the street. But then again, nothing I do is ever perfect so donning only my skivvies on a daily basis shouldn’t be anything new, right?

Per the rules of the game, I now get to see if five others are willing to play along. You probably know the rules – they’re similar to most other memes. In this case, write a new blog post in which you “think different.” State that the post is a part of the Think Different Challenge and include a link and/ or trackback to this post so that readers know the rules of the challenge (see Jamie’s post for more info).

Annette Clancy at Interactions – Creative Strategies for Business

Arnie Herz at Legal Sanity

Debbie Call at Spirit in Gear

Patti Digh at 37 Days

Tammy Lenski at Strategic Conversations

And if I didn’t tag you here and want to play along – maybe as a part of an upcoming New Year reflection – jump on in.

Build A Learning Culture With Learning Circles

by on October 9, 2007 in Work

Most organizations are chronically deficient at learning and it’s easy to see why. Learning takes time, patience, and healthy dose of curiosity – all qualities that are in short supply at probably 95% of all companies and non-profit institutions. When there is learning, it’s cloaked with best intentions in workshops and other professional development events. Don’t get me wrong…these ought to be a part of one’s plan to build a learning organization, but they are simply not enough. Without building the capacity to learn into an organization’s DNA, these events will barely penetrate the surface of how your people approach their work. What to do if you’re a manager or charged with leading your organization’s learning operations?

One action is to start a learning circle. Google learning circle and you’ll get a slew of resources. However, drill down a little further and you’ll find there are relatively few that address learning circles within an organization…particularly a for-profit company. Don’t let that stop you, though. If you recognize the importance of developing a learning culture in your workplace, here’s a framework to experiment with:

Rules? We Don’t Need No Stinking Rules!
Well, that’s only partly true. There should be no hard rules to the circle. It should be free to evolve as the needs of the group evolve. However, don’t take the “no rules” mantra as an invitation to anarchy. A successful circle needs a basic structure that provides a purpose for the group to exist.

Pack a Problem and a Yippee!
Each person in the circle must be prepared to bring two items to each meeting. The first is a problem. Even better than a problem is a mistake, but this takes some comfort with the group so don’t expect this at the outset. The second item is a Yippee!, which is an example of something that went well. It’s important that learning be a balanced process where both good and bad are reviewed and then celebrated.

Play 20 Questions.
Most people will want to instantly solve problems often without bothering to dig deeper into the actual issues behind the problems. Don’t let the natural tendency to problem-solve get in the way of the actual learning. Instead, put a question threshold into place. Insist that no less than 20 questions get asked before a statement can be made. This will spark curiosity and instill an investigative mindset that – done consistently – will begin to form a habit.

Spread the Learning Love.
Encourage the group to constantly share their learning outside the circle. Give them the tools and resources to create a wiki and a blog. By further emphasizing the importance of knowledge sharing to the whole organization, the circle will be more likely to build the discipline for recording what it knows (which can be so easily forgotten) and disseminating it to a broader audience of colleagues.

Cloning for Success.
While there may be a temptation to immediately initiate several circles throughout your organization, I’d encourage you to start small. Start with one group of four to five individuals and allow it to evolve for a few months. Then when the time is right, charge each pilot group member with starting another learning group with new individuals. This replicating strategy ensures that subsequent groups have a firm understanding of the circle’s purpose and get a jumpstart on the process.

If you’ve previously created learning circles in an organization, I’d love to hear about your experience. Any additional tips or advice to share?

Three Years Of Blogging And What I’ve Learned Along The Way

by on September 8, 2007 in Creative

Lorelle laid out another post in her series of blogging challenges that happens to coincide with my upcoming three year anniversary of blogging. Her writing challenge is: Blog about the path your blog took to get to now. Here’s the possibly boring and predictable chronology, but I’ll follow it up with some lessons I’ve learned about not only blogging but myself over the past three years.

Timeline
September 2004: The beginning…I started blogging because I just took the plunge to become a full-time career and leadership coach (back when this blog used to be called imaginactive musings and hosted through Blogger). I wanted a blog as a way to publish ideas as well as use it as a virtual business card and marketing vehicle.
Key post: It’s All Invented…So Have Fun With It

January 2005: When I started drowning after this plunge (the failure to build a viable coaching business is a whole other topic of learning) the blog typically took the form of someone writing about their often painful experiences trying to find work. Sort of blogging as self-therapy. This was about the time I first used The Alchemy of Soulful Work as my blog title.
Key post: The Career Change Blues (And Other Colors): The Beginning

March 2005: It didn’t take long for me to tire of Blogger’s inherent limitations. The blog transitioned to TypePad. Sadly, I lost all my comments from Blogger in the transition. Still trying to find work, though.
Key posts: Hello Typepad… and I Will Be Complacent No Longer

June 2005: I found a job and started to write more about my management and leadership experiences in the non-profit setting. I also started to write about some of the headaches and frustrations with my particular organization which would later get me in a bit of hot water. Oh the things you learn the hard way.
Key posts: Superabsorbant New Director and More On The First Month Of A New Job

June-October 2005: I also attempted to write a companion blog focused on the customer and non-profit association member experience and coined a rather idiotic term custo/member (though, I still can’t figure out a better way to describe these two different groups in the same word…Ben, any help?). I eventually dumped the second blog and integrated it into Alchemy. I now know more about the challenges of keeping more than one blog going.
Key post: The Focus On The Custo/Member

March 2006: With my annual TypePad service coming to a close, I decided to move to a self-hosted solution. I experimented with Joomla and Drupal before choosing WordPress as my blogging platform and baileyworkplay.com as my domain. The whole point was to stake out this online home so that whenever I decide to get my act together and hop back into the coaching/consulting world again I’m fairly well set up to do it.
Key post: A New (New) Beginning With Some More Changes

July-October 2006: I took a hiatus which was necessary due the the big “quickly move everything from Virginia to Texas” decision, but it was extremely hard to rediscover my blogging groove. There were times during this period when I almost closed the door on blogging…thankfully I didn’t.
Key posts: Giddyup Cowboy…We’re Moving To Texas and An Extended Hiatus

April 2007: For some silly reason, I decided to part ways with the blog title The Alchemy of Soulful Work and settled only on Bailey WorkPlay. I’ve recently returned to my senses and reverted back so that Alchemy again is the title of the blog and Bailey WorkPlay is the name of my sidework gig.

July-Today 2007: I think it’s only been in the past couple of months that I’ve gotten playfully serious about my online presence. I’ve challenged myself to be more outwardly focused rather than introspective in my approach to blogging and networking. So far, so good.

Learning
Lesson #1: Be prepared to take the long road
Blogging is not a “If I build it, they will come” type of thing. When I started, it took roughly three months to get my first comment (I’m still very appreciative, Curt). It came just when I needed to hear it and was just the type of encouragement that told me that I was on the right track. Then along came Rosa and an introduction to her growing Ho’ohana Community a couple of months after that. What would have happened if I ditched the whole thing after a couple of months of no comments and practically no readers? Even now, I go through stretches where comments are on the thin side. Fact is that blogging is a journey with several waypoints rather than one final destination.

Lesson #2: Don’t be a blogging shut-in…get out of your own house
Simply put, find like-minded souls and introduce yourself. Write meaningful comments that speak to what the fellow blogger actually has written. Send a personal email if you feel that’s appropriate. Join a multi-writer blog. Get hooked up in one or several of the many social networks out there like Facebook, LinkedIn, Shelfari, Twitter, etc. The important thing that I’m learning is that, while it does take some courage, don’t let shyness get in the way of connecting with others and building some dynamic relationships. I’ve come to realize that blogging is not so much an individual activity, it’s a community activity. Great blogging is knowing how to build relationships with fellow bloggers and readers.

Lesson #3: Know why you’re blogging right now
The times when I’ve struggled most are when I lost sight of my purpose for blogging. For me purpose and passion are intricately linked. I’m like an actor constantly asking the director, “So what’s my motivation?” My purpose can change, but it doesn’t happen that often or dramatically. I blog because I feel I have something unique to add to this world, a different way of viewing work and organizational life. So when you blog, what’s your purpose and motivation? Write it down and keep it in a cozy safe place so that when you get to a place where you lose sight of why you put yourself out there for all the world to see you can have a reminder.

Lesson #4: Don’t force the muse to appear, coax her out patiently
Blogging burn-out is unavoidable. Even if you love writing, there will be times in your life when it bumps against other things. For a three month period in 2006, I pretty much put this blog on ice while I settled into my new home in Texas. When I tried to come back after the hiatus, it was hell to get back into the swing of writing. It was as if I forgot how to put together words and sentences in a sensible way. It was almost painful at times. It was only when I consciously decided to be gentle on myself and not go back to blogging full force that I was able to ease myself out of the come-back funk.

Lesson #5: Mind the gaps
This is partly based on an assumption, but I’m finding that the more posts I write the more readers I get. Here’s the reason why: Have you ever found a blog through another link or Google search which looked promising but found the posting frequency to be infrequent? Or the last post was written a couple of months ago? What did you do? Did you subscribe or did you pass? If you’re like me, you tend to pass on since there’s little sense in tracking a blog that may not be maintained. What I’m trying to do now is not be such a damned perfectionist and simply write. Some of my posts I recognize as instant gold while some are merely okay. I’m not suggesting that you aim for quantity over quality…just be more comfortable with not aiming for perfection with each blog post.

Lesson #6: Evolve
This final lesson is be open to new ideas, techniques, and tools. Be open to learning something new. Even though I’ve been blogging for three years (which most people say is rather long in the blogging world), I’m by no means an expert at this. There are experts out there who haven’t even started blogging. If you’re one of these folks, think about what you might add to the world through your writing. If you feel you’re not a great writer, try your hand at podcasting. The beauty of this time in history is that there’s always something new around the next corner. Just keep your eyes, mind, and soul open to the possibilities that are always in front of you.

More Things About Me – Texas-Style Edition

by on July 17, 2007 in Life

Irish blogger and friend, Annette Clancy, went and tagged me last week. I don’t always play infotag because I feel like I tapped so much in my original 100+ things. But it’s been a while since I put that together (way back in 2004 and it’s age shows) so…why don’t we add to it and call it the 2007 Texas-style Collection. Yeehaw!

  1. I’ve never seen a live armadillo in the wild. Seen plenty of dead ones. I’m still hopeful.
  2. I haven’t seen a tarantula, scorpion, or rattlesnake in the wild, either. Friends who live further out in the country tell me they’re around.
  3. Yes, I’m a bit weird for wanting to see crawly creatures. I get by with the lizards and frogs that inhabit our backyard.
  4. After living in Texas, I honestly don’t think I can ever live on the east coast again. There’s just a slower vibe here that agrees with me.
  5. I’ve always wanted a truck and am hoping to buy a black Honda Ridgeline in the next year or so. I might just buy a fishing boat to go with it within the next five years.
  6. I enjoy bowling (even have my own ball) and love the fact that it’s still alive and well here. There are times on the weekends when you have to wait 30 minutes for a lane to open. Great family fun.
  7. I never had eaten a kolache before arriving in Texas. Now, I can’t get enough of them.
  8. And breakfast tacos…now those are tasty eats! There’s nothing quite like eggs, tomatoes, and avocado wrapped in a tortilla first thing in the morning.
  9. Our family has a season pass to Sea World in San Antonio and it’s a pretty fun place to visit with the kids. The dolphin and orca shows are well done, there’s a neat play area that’s even adult friendly, and you can feed the seals and sea lions. Oh and did I mention they have roller coasters?
  10. Places in Texas that I really want to visit: Galveston, Fort Worth and the Cowboy Hall of Fame, and Big Bend National Park.

Now this is where I tend to get a bit shy. I hate openly asking folks for their eight things so here’s what I’m going to do. I know there are probably readers who haven’t commented (or others who haven’t commented in a while). So, here’s my request: post 1 thing that’s new about you this year. It could be something new you’ve learned, a new food you tried, a new place you visited, or anything else you’d like to share. Go ahead…run with it.