This YouTube clip is making the rounds through Twitter and it’s just too darn good not to share here. It’s also related to Vicky’s first post at the new Remarkable Parents blog.

“If you’ve never failed…you’ve never lived.” We can stew about our failures or we can celebrate them. Which one do you think is going to help us create the kind of life we dream about?

Yesterday, Leah – my oldest child – turned 9 which means that I’ve been a father that long, as well. I remember the day when I first learned I was going to be a dad. I remember the terror. I also remember the elation. Talk about your roller coaster experiences…it was like the first time I took on the Loch Ness Monster at Busch Gardens Williamsburg. I didn’t know if I wanted to puke or ride it again.

As I reflect on these past nine years, I’m amazed at how much she’s grown (wasn’t I just changing her diapers not that long ago?) and how much I’ve grown. Parenting is true on-the-job experience where no amount of book learning will honestly prepare you for the unique adventure. Being a father has taught me to…

See the big picture. I recall how I stressed over each decision I made thinking that it might have some consequence for the future. What if I picked her up when she cried…would she be a clingy adult? What if I let her go down the slide…would she hit her head and be an amnesiac for her whole life? What if I didn’t capture each precious moment on film…would I regret not being able to watch her first turnover when I’m 50? What if…dad just relaxed and realized that there’s a bigger picture to be observed here. After a while, I did realize that while these small decisions do carry some weight, it’s far more important to keep the grand scheme of things firmly in the front of my mind.

Be patient. If kids don’t reinforce the value of patience, there’s not a whole lot of hope for you. I’ve learned to allow for extra time to get to places. And I’ve learned that wake-up and bedtime routines need to be adhered to as much as humanly possible. But I’ve learned to be patient in other ways. Sometimes I’ll help Leah with her homework and we’ll arrive at a problem that has her a bit stumped. My knee-jerk response, from my formative public school days, is to tell her how to solve the problem. But I’ll restrain myself and look at her…she’s already trying to formulate a solution. Most of the time it’s a solution she develops her own way.

Be curious. Imagination, wonder, creativity…all great qualities that are built into us as children. Along the way toward adulthood we tend to misplace these traits. In most cases, our public schools do a great job of helping us put these qualities in a black box so we can focus on more important things like metrics, tests, and instant recall. But watching Leah and her younger sister Katie explore their world only reinforces how vital a rich inner life is to their development.

Be fierce. This isn’t the same as being an overprotective dad. This is about being a fierce advocate for my kids. And this is about teaching my girls how to have a fierce confidence.

Trust myself. When I was a new father, I sought out all the books, advice, and resources I could get my hands on hoping that someone could offer me that magic bullet that would answer all my parenting questions. I gave doctors and experts exalted status where their word was gospel truth. Until I realized that these folks, while knowledgeable in their subject, we’re clueless about the specifics of Leah. They didn’t live with her. They didn’t feed and bathe and sing her to sleep. Her mother and I did. And we had far more knowledge and insight into our little girl than anyone else in the whole world. Turns out we were the experts about Leah and the secret to being a great parent to her was trusting ourselves and our intuitive grasp of how to be a mom and dad.

In the Bailey home, Take Our Daughters and Sons To Work Day has established itself as an annual tradition. For at least three or four months, Leah (age eight) has been asking me when our “Daddy/Daughter Work Day” is this year and if we’ll be able to do it again. The answer, of course, is, “Absolutely!” Katie, my youngest, is quickly closing in on five years old and is starting to ask when she’ll be able to do this, as well. I’ll probably schedule a shorter day with her later in the summer.

There are a few reasons for it’s popularity. One is that it’s a special daddy-only time which is important since I’m not as available to them as their mom during the day. Two is that it’s an intentionally fun day spent outside of school. Three is that it’s a chance to see and experience a world they only hear about.

What do I get out of it? Quite a lot. It’s a chance to share in my daughters’ excitement of spending time together in a unique way. Also, when I get to share my work experience with my them, it helps me crystallize my own sense of whether work is meaningful or not. It’s hard to fake fulfillment in soulless work and for me the whole purpose of the day is to encourage them to think about finding work that’s fulfilling for them. Anyway, kids can sense those sorts of lies and ask the most honest and pointed questions that drill down to the heart of our own work. Interesting how our children can help coaches us without even knowing it.

Wondering what you can do to make it a fulfilling and enjoyable day for both you and your child? The folks who manage the day, Ms. Foundation For Women, have some tips and provide a sample day on their website.

Start by contacting your child’s teacher and see if she or he has anything planned surrounding the day. If they don’t know about Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work Day, then introduce them to the concept and ask whether they’d be interested in learning more. Don’t be afraid to track the principal down and do the same for them. Make sure they understand that it’s not just an excused absence from school, but an experiential learning day.

Next, check and see if your workplace has anything planned for the day. Some companies have some structured activities planned, which is great to find that type of buy-in. And if not, talk to the folks in human resources, and again, emphasize the importance of sponsoring workshops or other events. If you don’t find any sympathetic ears, don’t fret…just do it anyway and plan things on your own. This is what I had to do in my last two organizations.

Need some help building activities? Here’s a listing along with pdf worksheets and an interactive online activity.

I’m interested in learning if anyone else has plans for April 27 and what you’re doing. Bring your ideas and questions to the WorkPlay community.

The BBC had an interesting article yesterday called Why are Dutch children so happy? that went on to explain why the Netherlands was at the top of a recently published Child Wellbeing Report produced by UNICEF. (By the way, the United States – perhaps unsurprisingly – rates pretty much near the bottom compared to Europe and Canada). The lead-in to the article reads:

Dutch children have been rated the most fortunate children in Europe. Their parents go out of their way to please them, and teachers expect less of them than some of their European counterparts.

Well, that’s not exactly how the UNICEF report portrays the Netherlands, but does raise some interesting questions when we think not only about our own children (regardless of which country you call home) but own lives at work. How much is our own happiness tied to having things go our way? Can there be happiness in our challenges and struggles?

Let’s take this example from the BBC article:

18-year-old Ysbrand, a student in Helmond near Eindhoven, says this picture matched his childhood. He says that his parents spent a lot of time with him when he was younger. His mother stayed at home while his father worked.

But, he said the contrast when you get to 18 can be something of a shock.

“Now I’m left to look after myself,” he told the BBC News website. “My parents say that I need to care for myself and to be independent. It’s hard. I don’t have much money as a student and to go out is expensive. Beer, for example, is very expensive in the Netherlands.”

By focusing on what will make us happy right now, we postpone possible future pain. Not that we shouldn’t aim for joy in our life, but we need to be honest with ourselves and consider whether our present experience – even if it does suck – won’t make us a better person down the road. Sometimes we need to unhappy in order to learn how to be happy. I can certainly remember painful experiences in my life that were hellish in their own special way, but in reflection I’m so glad that they were my experiences. I wouldn’t be half the person I am today without them.

And I hope this doesn’t seem like I’m picking on the Dutch. Frankly, I don’t think the example of Ysbrand above is all that different from some of the experiences I’ve seen from fellow parents here in the U.S. The desire to coddle and over-protect kids transcends borders and culture.

Today, we’re challenged to look at our own happiness and determine whether that happiness is real or is simply deferring pain for another time. Ask whether that graduate degree that might be challenging and even painful to undertake might lead to a better tomorrow for you. Ask whether the pain of quitting your job might not be the first step toward finding your own soulful work. Remember that happiness sometimes means taking the hard and painful path.

Be well.

Two posts in one day? Say it isn’t so. As the husband to a current stay-at-home mom, I thought this quote from Debra J. Dickerson in a recent Salon.com article was awesome:

Far be it for me to reduce Nancy Pelosi to merely the sum of the carpool miles she drove, but it took an extraordinary woman to do that and move on to become speaker of the House. To object to Pelosi’s inclusion of children in politics is to presume that an erstwhile stay-at-home mom brings nothing with her to public life from that experience, that she gained nothing from it, that child rearing is mere baby sitting, only keeping children alive till they can take care of themselves. In fact, it is an art and a science and it changes you. It grows you up. At a minimum, it teaches you just how many supposed grown-ups only need a good, long nap to be decent neighbors and co-workers.

All so true. And as someone on the hiring side of the table, I’ve never turned away a candidate coming back to work after staying at home with her children (haven’t interviewed a stay-at-home dad, but I guarantee the reverence is the same). The skills and experiences – mediator, project organizer, leader to name but a few – equate right into the working world.

If you’re a stay-at-home mom getting ready to reenter the working world, welcome back. We need you.

For Leah, my oldest daughter, April 27 is shaping up to be one of the most exciting days of the year (next to her birthday and Christmas). Why? April 27 is Take Our Daughters and Sons To Work Day.

I think her excitement seems to be a mixture of spending time with me and doing something grownup. And I’m excited to be able to show her the working world again. The last time I was able to do this was when she was four years old and she spent a half-day with me coloring and playing with a magnadoodle. Now that she’s seven, we can create activities so she can explore what work can be. Do some dreaming…I think I’ll join her.

The organization behind this day is the Ms. Foundation for Women. Their resource site has plenty to offer, particularly if your workplace or your child’s school sponsors the day. And if not, no worries…just play around with it and create something on your own.

As I was touring around the site and discovered a quote from Bob Drago, a friend and former Board member of mine when I was at another association:

When my daughters were younger, I found Take Our Daughters To Work Day invaluable, partly for the positive exposure to the world of work that it provided to my daughters, but also because it strengthened the bonds between us. Today, I believe in Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work more broadly as a way to educate children regarding the world of work, a way to humanize our workplaces, and as a device to teach parents about how work looks from the family side (which is often an eye-opener!). Take Our Daughters And Sons To Work is a great way to open up the workplace to issues of family, to see a side of employees that is often (and unfortunately) hidden, and to educate children, employees and managers as to options around flexibility that we either already have or should have in the future.

So, if you have children of your own, take some time to introduce them more intimately to your work (and if you don’t have children, grab a niece, nephew, or a neighborhood kid). Don’t think your work’s interesting? Just try to see it through the eyes of a child…you might be surprised.

Think making a huge difference in someone’s life takes a herculean effort or a lot of time? Just ask Scott Hodge who not only rediscovered the power of a buck, but the power of simple generosity.

What I love about his later reflection is how this isn’t only a lesson for him, but for his kids. Scott writes:

This is going to be Elise’s bedtime
story tonight. Why?  Because I want her to be this kind of person. I
want her to understand the value in helping people – even at her own
expense. It’s easy to open a door for someone. It’s easy to help
someone carry something heavy. But it’s not always easy pulling out
the $5 dollar bill.

Think the world’s going to hell in a handbasket? Nah, that’s just overrated, cynical chatter. The chance to experience and return small kindnesses is all around us.

This post will be short (since it’s near my bedtime and I need to get up early to run), but wanted to let everyone know that I’m still here and writing…

I’ve been giving quite a bit of thought to the quality of tough-minded optimism and how difficult it can be to hold on to it. And then yesterday, my oldest daughter Leah gave me a reason to reflect on how simple it can be. The new school year started this week in areas of Northern Virginia and it was her first day of first grade. She was so excited on Sunday she couldn’t sleep…great when you kid actually can’t wait for school to start. All was going well on this first day until a teacher reprimanded her for getting out of line (though her Mom and I aren’t sure if the teacher was half-joking or not). However, the real point was that Leah found it insulting, but did the most mature thing. She said quietly to herself, "That’s okay, I’m not going to let it ruin my great day." And she didn’t.

It’s amazing for me to notice how quickly one little setback can automatically start the downward spiral of thinking that the day is now somehow completely ruined. I used to feel this way (particularly when I was six). Now, I’ve come to understand that life’s little annoyances can be quite humorous, rather than devilish jabs at my psyche. They can certainly provide comic fodder for the folks around the watercooler.

This post by Doug Manning of Proactive Living hit me hard. As a father of two girls (one on the cusp of hitting the pre-adolescent phase), I’m always mindful of how I’m doing as a dad. I immediately showed it to my wife and we both just took a deep sigh, which usually signifies a "whoa" moment for us. If you’re a parent, take a moment and read Doug’s entry on Proactive Parenting.

Thanks Doug for the reminder of how much good we can do as parents, as well as how much harm we can do when we hang on to our own dreams and illusions of how our kids should be.

Don Blohowiak at Leadership Now has a post today called Coddlers. He writes about how twentysomethings just entering the workplace are not truly ready for its demands. He calls it the generation influenced by the evil twins called Needy and Fragility:

The managers lament goes something like this: These kids don’t want to take responsibility. They don’t want to do anything that’s hard. They want positive stroking for the littlest accomplishment, and literally cry at the slightest hint of criticism.

While I take sharp offense by the tone of the post (guess I’m having lunch with Fragility), I can’t help but think that there is some truth to his message. I’ve had this article form MSNBC bookmarked for a couple of weeks and it seems to support at least part of Don’s argument: Prep your child to become an adult. It has an extended excerpt from the book Ready or Not, Here Life Comes by Dr. Mel Levine. He argues:

We are in the midst of an epidemic of work-life unreadiness because an alarming number of emerging adults are unable to find a good fit between their minds and their career directions. Like seabirds mired in an oil spill, these fledgling men and women are stuck, unable to take flight toward a suitable career. Some are crippled before they have a chance to beat their wings; others have tumbled downward in the early stages of their trajectories. Because they are not finding their way, they may feel as if they are going nowhere and have nowhere to go.

So Don’s probably right, there is something going on. But rather than instantly assuming the parental (or perhaps more appropriate paternal) role that traditional managers seem to hold fast to, today’s managers must first understand and attempt to empathize with what’s going on with their younger employees. Consider this from perspective from Mel Levine:

There are dramatic differences between the unwritten rules for growing up and those governing careers. For one thing, a child is encouraged to be well-rounded, while adults are permitted (even required) to commit to specialties. So long as grown-ups are effective within their chosen niches, the world will overlook or even fail to notice their gaping flaws elsewhere…

A sizable hunk of a child’s success is measured by her ability to comply, to learn what she is expected to learn, and to do what she’s told to do. An adult must be able to chart her own road maps. The odyssey leading into adulthood can be a lonely and harsh voyage, especially if a startup adult is naive and uninformed, if he’s never learned to be a mapmaker.

Mel Levine’s book is intended more for parents and those who care for our children than it is for managers. As a parent and a coach who works with emerging professionals and leaders, I understand the deeper issues of what’s taking place right now. I also see where we need to refocus our work as parents. If our children are not ready for adulthood, that’s our failing and no one else’s. One of the chief responsibilities we have as parents is preparing our children for what comes after being a kid. We need to look for opportunities in which they can experience the fact that being an adult can be challenging, arduous, lonely as well as fulfilling, exciting, and fun. That way, when they encounter managers who complain about “kids these days,” they might be able to smile and say, “Yeah, tell me about it…”